This may sound like a bit of a rant.  I’m bringing this up because I have noticed that we are bickering about the darnedest things right now.  I am concerned about how we are going to move forward from here.  Have you noticed this trend?  We are bickering about what kind of bathing suits women can wear at the beach.  We are bickering about bathrooms.  Politics has us all wound up right now, but I am noticing that we are starting to take for granted things like police shootings, domestic violence, oil spills, and another devastating flood going on in Louisiana.  We are bickering about rice.

Here’s the thing about the rice.  I had this stupid experience at a restaurant.  It was nothing remotely traumatic or violent.  It was a bowl of rice.  It was a very tiny ¾ cup serving of risotto, and it was very expensive.  I was annoyed because after paying so much for dinner, I still had to go home and cook something because we were still hungry.  OK, grousing about that—no big deal—won’t go back.  However, when I expressed my feelings and my opinion about my experience, then things got interesting.  Some people thanked me for the review. One person publicly dismissed what I said.  She did not express a-different-opinion–based-on-her-own–experience, she simply discounted mine.  When I pointed this out to her, she promptly unfriended me.  Over a bowl of rice.

Is it getting hot in here?  See, if we can’t allow people to express an opinion about a bowl of rice without invalidating them, then how on earth are we going to listen to each other through the very difficult challenges that people are facing every day?  Being dismissive and patronizing does not cut it.

Here is how this relates to world peace.  It’s the patronizing tone.  It’s the assumption behind the patronizing tone. It’s telling black or brown Americans that they shouldn’t protest in the streets when another unarmed black man, woman, or child is shot by a white police officer and the police officer gets a two week paid vacation and there is no justice for the lynching of black lives.  It’s the audacity of telling blacks to settle down or shut up after these events.  If you haven’t experienced this kind of trauma in your life, then you don’t get to judge those who have. You may think your neighbor is a wonderful person, even after he shoots his wife and 3 kids and the family dog before taking his own life.  You can think whatever you want, but you might want to consider that your perception of him may not be accurate, even if it is easier and more fun to believe that he was a super nice guy.  Just because you may not have personally witnessed or experienced violence or harassment doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.  Consider accepting the limitations of your experience.  You are free to change your mind based on new information.

People have experiences, traumatic and otherwise, that you and I know nothing about.  But seriously, if you feel the need to discount, deny, dismiss, undermine, ridicule or in any other way INVALIDATE the personal experiences, feelings, and predicaments of other people, then you are being patronizing.  And a patronizing attitude is the enemy of peace.

Take a deep breath.  Listen.  Love.  Be kind. You can do this.